HEADLINE: Jamie Lee Curtis No Longer Wants to Act

For more on Jamie Lee's earthshattering declaration, click here.

In other news, I have decided to stop taking work as a SUPERMODEL because of the busy schedule I maintain as an OFFICE ASSISTANT.

I'm quoted as saying:

"In between ordering supplies from Staples, answering phones and scheduling other people's calendars, I barely have time for photo shoots on yachts in Portugal. And, rather than neglect my executives and have someone else do my job, I'd prefer to be there for them. My life is so full right now. I can't imagine it any other way."